My last dance with my dad, last night at home, knowing that i have my whole new life ahead of me. Scared, nervous, happy, every emotion possible running through my head. This is what I wanted, what I’ve been dreaming of since I was a little girl. I never knew it would be this hard to leave home, probably because thats all I’ve ever known. I remember growing up always looking up to my father and going everywhere with him. He took me to every soccer practice, any place I wanted to go he went with me. All the road trips we went together, everything he has taught me. How to grow up, teach me right from wrong, all the times I thought he was overreacting I now know he was right. Being all grown up, I miss coming home from school to see my dad there waiting for me, my mother as well. Leaving home is going to be the hardest thing that I have ever done, but I know inside my heart that its time to grow up and do things on my own. Start my own family to bring together with the one that I have now.
The guy that I knew in highschool is now my husband, Dan. We were highschool sweethearts from the day we met to the day we went to the same college. Now we have a whole life ahead of us to figure out. My life is so different from four years ago. I never would have thought that this is where I would be this soon. Should I have looked at my other options? That’s what they all say to me but I know that I made the right decision. Being pregnant and getting married right after college is sooner than I wanted but I guess life is a journey and I have to just go with it. Paying for day cares, strollers, baby food, diapers, carriages? I’m still a kid myself, how am I going to take care of one myself? Its going to be hard, but I know it will be worth it. I have a loyal father to stand behind me just like he has since I was a little girl. Now that I have my own, I want it to be just the same with Dan. Treating her like a princess, spoiling her with toys and gifts because thats what my father had done for me when I was little. I know that he will be a good father. I hope that I will be a good mother to my child. Teach her what’s right and what’s wrong. She will grow up so fast I already know it. From the first day she is born to the day she takes her first step. From baby clothes to wedding dresses, I’ll be there for her.
A new life for me and Dan. A new chapter in my life, this time I’m not alone. I have my own family to count on and to count on me. Having to do my own dishes and cook dinner for three is going to be hard to. I’ve never been one to know how to cook, I can barely make toast. Somehow I always am talented enough to burn it. Guess we’ll be eating mac and cheese for a long time. A lot of things are going to be different from how it was before. No more time to just me and myself, or for me and Dan. I guess that’s part of growing up. Everyone has to grow up and some point in their lives, mine just came a littler earlier than planned. At least I have a family who supports me and my decisions, some people wouldn’t.
My Mother and Father have both taught me important things for life that didn’t mean much to me a while back as much as it does now. Now that I have my own family and future to worry about, I feel more like a parent than just a young adult. More responsibilities, more things that I have to buy and take care of. I thought that right out of college I would get a nice apartment and go out to parties and bars, live my life a little before I settled down. But, I believe that all that my parents have taught me I feel that Dan and I are ready to be parents.
Instead of renting an apartment, Dan and I feel that it would be best for our child and for ourselves to buy a small house close to our parents, but far enough so we really are on our own. Having all these doubts in my head, I’m still so excited. We both are, having a child and a house while trying to keep a stable job and income is a lot to worry about. Maybe he's more relaxed about it than I am, but I guess that’s just the mom coming out in me. My father, Dan, and I are going to look at houses while my mother looks at baby stuff. She was always good at planning on what to buy for rooms and stuff like that since she was a designer. I want a ranch house. A nice long house with a big back yard so my kids can run and play, and so I can throw parties. I can still be a kid, can’t I?
I remember my mom always telling me that things never go as planned because life didn’t come with a manual. And neither did kids. She told me that I was a hard kid to raise, but I turned out great. I can only hope the same for my child, boy or girl. I want them healthy and happy and to be able to live a long life. I may not be a great parent, but at least I have my family and Dan to help me along the way.
Remember he’s blessed, remember it could be worse
Living on the street, begging for change
Laying on the side of the road filled with pain
Waking up to nothing but regret and sorrow
Knowing opportunities were left behind
Realizing its too late to make a change
Stuck in a life that could have been avoided
Looking out into the world, he somehow knows
I am blessed, it could be worse